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Ψlock, The Magos of Venitus
The Tragedy of Ψlock (Pronounced /Psi-lock/) The Magos of Venitus is a play written by an unknown author sometime in M39 upon the Imperial Hive World of Mandavi Prime, Capital of the Mandavi Sector in Segmentum Ultima. The play centers around the enmity between Lord General Antonius of the Imperial Guard and the titular Magos Ψlock. Both man and Magos reside on the (likely fictitious) Imperial world of Venitus where Ψlock runs a major manufactorum and Antonius organizes, dispatches, and sometimes leads Imperial assault on nearby Xenos strongholds. Antonius bears a deep and abiding suspicion of the Adeptus Mechanicus and has often insulted and spat upon Ψlock, as well as attempting, unsuccessfully, to have Ψlock burned as a heretic. At the beginning of the the play, Antonius does not have enough troops to carry out all of the campaigns he has committed himself to. In fact, the only uncommitted forces available upon Venitus are the three thousand Skitarii warriors of the Magos's personal guard. Left with no choice, Antonius comes to borrow these forces from Ψlock, promising to recover a lost STC fragment believed to be upon one of the world's his forces are invading. The Magos agrees, but only on the condition that, should he fail, Antonius will have to allow Ψlock to mechanically augment the piece of flesh closest to Lord General's head, thus permanently branding him with the very technology he hates. Note - Scholars disagree as to whether this refers to Antonius's neck or his shoulders. Over the course of the play, Antonius's forces fail to uncover the STC, and Ψlock drags Antonius before the Lord Inquisitor to demand his pound of flesh in the plays famous, Inquisitorial Dungeon Scene. The Inquisitor is unable to render a decision as the planet is confusingly overrun with Orks just before the play ends. A careful reading of the play's many subplots indicates that we are supposed to understand that by deploying literally all of the world's military forces on offense campaigns, Antonius and Ψlock have collaborated to strip the world of its defenses while wasting time on their petty personal dispute. Therefore the moral of the story is: Stop goofing off and defend the Imperium. Famous Quotations Lord General Antonius, many a time and oft In the Rialto you have rated me About my machines and their uses: Still have I borne it with a patient shrug, For logic is the badge of all our tribe. You call me misbeliever, cyber-mastiff, And spit upon my Martian gaberdine, And all for use of that which is mine own. Well then, it now appears you need my help: Go to, then; you come to me, and you say 'Ψlock, we would have Skitarii:' you say so; You, that did void your rheum upon my servos And denounce me as you burn a stranger heretic Over your threshold: Skitarii is your suit What should I say to you? Should I not say Hath a cyber-mastiff Skitarii? is it possible A heretic can lend three thousand tech-guard?' Or Shall I bend low and in a servitor's key, With bated breath and whispering humbleness, Say this; 'Fair sir, you spit on me on Wednesday last; You sought to burn me such a day; another time You call'd me cyber-mastiff; and for these courtesies I'll lend you thus many Skitarii?' ''- Ψlock, Act 1 Scene 3'' The daemon can cite the Lectitio Divinitatus for his purpose. ''- Antonius, Act 1 Scene 3'' If you prick us, we do not bleed If you tickle us, we do not laugh If you poison us, we do not die And if you wrong us, we shall revenge. ''- Ψlock, Act 3 Scene 1'' Category:Imperium Category:Humor